“Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you. What’s important to me is not others’ opinions of me, but what’s important to me is my opinion of myself.”
― C. JoyBell C.
My journey to self discovery
The brute self reliance, the intrepidity of my youth, its makes me wonder how the hell I made it out of High school, with every wit,wink and whimper it took to make me smile my way across the stage of graduation day. I’m not in a romantic phase, I’m in this mode of youthful yet much expected self discovery.Tenacity, was all I needed that slight push into the massive pile of responsibilities my parents shoved up my spine when I was ten years old. Now here I am, looking for some God, or some center to teach me womanhood, the good news is this all comes natural, I’m diffidently not wanting to be a damsel in distress but, sometimes we all need to be saved. My minor fear is just being too afraid to move on to the next chapter, I am my own worst enemy sometimes.The tiny spark we get when we find the answer to the puzzle is the awesome solution that solves the biggest hypothesis of them all,”Who the hell am I exactly?” What Am I going to do with this thing I called talent?” it’s simple I’ve learned contentment and persistence even with all frustration is fantastic.The only minor set back is the disgusting hint of doubt and sexual judgement racial discrimination that recognizes me and misidentifies me as as destined dumb ass, a bitch , a hoe, and nigger I’ve hear them all.The cool thing about self discovery is the ability to make my own spontaneous destiny.They expected me to be pregnant by seventeen, with no dreams, because my boyfriend made me for get how smart I was..The funny thing is being pretty and black brings about a misconception to society that I’m suppose to want to get easy money by maybe stripping or, looking for attention from a man that may not be their for a baby to be born. I hate the idea of being some guys Aunt Jermima, I want to be a woman of intellect that has no interest in being oppressed and feeding into the bullshit stereotypes. I’m not a free slave , I was all ready born without a master.So I’m knocking this off my to do list, I’m letting go of my fake friends, both white and black and finding my own path It’s called, being a person with ponderous ways knowing in all examinations of myself I’m not a walking womb or whore,I’m a growing human.I have been misjudged many times and I have learned I would rather love myself before loving someone else. If a man or woman wants my affection he must prove himself, I refuse to trust someone that may cause me to forget about my dreams, my genius, my morals , love for all things hopeful and artistic and free.My pursuits to happiness seems a lot more complicated than others, I was never given a college fund, or wealthy pass on things but I was given a wealthy amount of a genuine desire to learn, write, and discover how life works life.
“vini, vidi ,venchi”
J’ suis la femme
“Anything may happen when womanhood has ceased to be a protected occupation.”
― Virginia Woolf,
By Lakira Mitchum
What does it mean to be a woman?
To have a womb,and be a man? To have breast and a vagina? being a woman is more than just my genital identity its chemistry. A spiritual destiny some how choose me to be a well…a girl.What did my parents think when I came out my mother womb? “Oh wow their she is our baby girl screaming, “hello world I’m here to stay” I wonder to myself everyday, in this male dominant world full of stereotypes and mass judgement what does my woman hood mean to me.So far being a woman has made me feel vulnerable yet, brave. It’s so fascinating to see our opinions be judged by the opposite sex in such a way that it can easily seem problematic dumb or unnecessary but, on the other hand, their is a wonderful feeling to being a girl, I don’t believe I’m a woman yet and I’m 22, I have so many things about me I’m not proud of.What makes me a woman is apart of growing up, its something the world cannot give me or take away from me.The brightest feeling of being a girl is for some reason being underestimated,and proving others wrong which is sad.I keep thinking sense I’ve been alive my gender has been judged as useless based on my beauty for quite some time.I’m not sad in my gender ;I’m just what you, call uhh learning, about my mind, body and spirit and so far this believe that I have is that their a Goddess has helped me develop this idea that women were meant to create and nature this universe of chaos and order. No one can imitate this fact that womanhood is in my mind my ability to think, love and be different from mankind, and accepting that can be hard sometimes but totally worth it when we reach this point of self discovery.
Maybe I’m just perfect the way I am.
“A woman’s happiness is in throwing everything away to live for love.”
― Ai Yazawa,
“If you are embarrassed about your sex, it must mean that you feel there is something demeaning or disgusting about being female. You are all wondrously made, girls. Remember that: wondrously made, and you should carry your sex proudly, a badge of honor.”
Dear,Martin Luther King
We capture the strangest moments in our most saddest times we some how see the small glimpse of heaven in the darkest moments of the universe.We want to become connected to something new, something we knew about before we were born.Here we are waiting for this dream of yours, we are almost their.They say that home is where your heart is, but really you heart was always in heaven and here you are away from earth back home again. Its takes an dreamer and a God to make a dream come true, a legend to be told.You are the man that reminded man that they should be homesick enough to love one another with no intention of separating us from this God, this universal hold.We all collected the same dust the day we were created,we all cried for the same milk of mother earth, We all swim in the same oxygenated waters and sing the tune the moon sung the day Jesus was born.We all share the same dream Mr.Martin and If I could show you, I would have to open the eyes of all men so they may see heaven, and Earth stands in the big beautiful hands of the God and Goddess that managed to speak our names before time began.We were created by love and we were created to be loved.So be strong Martin look down with pride Love is just growing in this culture like wildfire.
“There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.”
― Gautama Buddha
The blunt yet shameful truth has come to me that if I control my life I will cause my own destruction, my life is a ball of order and chaos, justice and cruelty, Constance and variables.I have found many things, in my life I regret but,the one I do not regret is meeting myself and knowing the truth of to whom I belong is myself.
By, Lakira Mitchum
My heart was left in a jar far away from the ones I once loved.The pale lifeless heart lies in the jar on the street where he left it.Love is something we can think of as a sickness, a sad obsession something that we can never understand .The settle feeling giving up slithers on my shoulders just thinking of the dull bitter taste of the wedding bells ringing in my ears.My heart is inside a jar, my face is in a book, my eyes are in a world of disbelief in faith.We live in society that sees God as an enemy, We stopped believing in love a long time ago and forgot what it was like to enjoy a hug in the summer sun.My heart is in a jar , near the street light sitting in the cold air waiting to be loved by someone.My heart has no lover, my heart only has scars. The fear of failing has fogged my mind and the cowardliness that haunts me so.A Heart in a jar; is something ones own might must posses or they will be forgotten like my own seems to be.
How generations are influenced by music
“Without music, life would be a mistake.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche,
In hopes of reaching a new part of myself I have been listening and paying a little more attention to hip hop, not that it always matters.Is it common for fans to be intimidated by the idea that musicians have so much power over our culture, or stereotypes?My reasoning I try new music fairly often I have gone from Mozart to Beethoven, to Justin Timberlake and Louis Armstrong as an ,African American I have foreseen so much judgement and I have to say I dislike actually being told what genre of music is expected of me to enjoy and be inspired by.I believe every generation has its own form of genius, or art we have all seen this based on our perspective of opinion, ideas and philosophy. I have no desire to in no way demoralize myself but really learn to understand what my generation calls hip- hop.Maybe I seem judgmental or maybe too orthodox but what I really want to know what makes my youth seem so crude, so care free ,and so sensual.I enjoy learning about different time periods in the performing arts but what I learned from music is that every major musician in its prime seems to be a Rebel it their day,for their very own unique paw print they left in the snow we call society.For Example I guess I can say I’m a fan of G-Eazy but, really from observing time over and over again I think he is almost no different from any other major musician like Ray Charles or Micheal Jackson that is influencing our cultivated lives.This time period I think I would called the (Yolo period) you.only .live. once. ,Its not exactly what we call the renaissance age, but right now in this generation we seem to be obsessed with the rebirth of the 1950’s and the 1970’s as well as marijuana; doing what the hell we think is glamours, cool , which is something to envy. I think even music has affect the way people treat their friends and family members it has both a positive and negative effect on all of our conscious choices.
To be honest My interest in Gerald’s music maybe really his good looks but, I have a dumb infatuation with him. With all of my attractions I have to form a reasoning to say maybe Gerald has taught me to love someone for who they are simply because they are different from me, music can make us empathetic,primitive,spontaneous and maybe a bit foolish and of course I have never met him duh, I don’t plan on it but, with every thought of him I have many other opinions.My fascination with him has a lot to do with him being this lyrical Casanova but I want to see him as more than that and hopefully others will see as well. Music is power, its a form of Emotional dexterity built in sound and movement, I almost wonder if every musician knew how much power they had over the world even the death can feel the rhythm that makes the world go around.
Really I just love music
“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent”
― Victor Hugo