Limitless Torture

By, LakiraMitchum

I break, I broke the bread  and break all over again when I stand , I stand in the sewage of  my devastation,while looking at my past through an hour glass, I had regrets and, dashes on my legs, broken lenses and bottles on the floor of my mind. who is Lakira oh God damn, who is she? why can’t church just come in a medicine bottle, why can’t we find God in the pill bottles. I thought I found God under a tree, in the shade where the man can’t hold me down; now I’m walking on slippery floor, looking at blank faces and manics that say my name wrong. who is Lakira? I asked, that voice in my head at the age of three or four I’m not sure.Demons can come us at young age telling us fables and thoughts, really those stories became history and we are just playing chess with the devil and God is the referee. “Check mate babe”, “you, alright love, you seem a bit ill”? I’m just saying it’s a game because, I was a issue the day I was born its way too too easy to find sin, battered bones, Corney movies about bloody whores and death. life is hard, the ground is harder and lately I attempt not falling, fading.. “Angels say Oooo, ouch that had to hurt”  even Jesus cried in the dark, ,even Moses lost his way in wilderness oh, the humanity , oh the sickening feeling of being held and bullied by the thoughts of our own self. what does mean to be human, what does it mean to bleed on the ground and no one asks is she OK. who am I, I ask myself almost every week of so. Satan must be a huge massive ghost, and fear must the poison he served to me on my birthday. my birthday was the issue, my name is my burden.Our greatest hero once abandon his only son, and yes , oh God yes, life is hard. life tastes like a bitter apple,or rotten soup.who are we to say life is simple, sinners. now it seems after 24 years my life is beginning but, really is only ending as we.I can not tell is I understand who I am, just from my mothers lessons and my fathers demands, my meaning, has

 

Quotes of the week

“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”
Bette Midler

 

“Anyone whose goal is ‘something higher’ must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves.”
Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

The Secret Of The Hills

LACUNA Series part 1

The secret of the hills, the babbling of fears creaking forward in my head

By Lakira Mitchum

The secret of the hills, the thrills only a holy man would seek,the oh, the Capricorns the, the award in being a great loving man of the light, How do I try not to cry in the dark streets in my mind.In my world I’m only the hopeless and the homeless, the broken seeking only a small peek of the secrets of the hills, the secret of happiness and true love the brews in like a storm. The hills of hope, the hills of heaven, and all I hear are the creaking screeching words of an angel wishing me a good bye with red sky’s and people wishing to die. Save me, oh the God we knew, he never told me the secret of the hills, The right way. Save me from the streets of my mind and swing me into the mountains and hills of abnormalities, the hills the homes of angels and devils that only sin to entertain the pure thoughts of a witty power.The hills the homes, where no one faints and, the seas are never too deep swim and swallow.Sweet Marvel bring me hope, let me  know the where it is, so that I may see through the fog of danger, and know I’m free from fear and judgement,God is my, dream, how dare I seek a religion to my dreams. My sanity was claimed and I was lost, from the hills the, love of popular man , oh the bible holding kings that made me into an insane angel, banging on my drums of my heart, beating away, the painful way.  Secret hills are hard to find, heaven is hard to imagine, God is hard to comprehend and, sanity is hard to keep when heaven is all you wanted.

 

 

 

Song of the day

 

 

I have Been skipping out on my WordPress lately but I’m here to do it all over again Happy Halloween everyone! keep it Going so far med school is going pretty well I have a 3.0 Gpa right now! and I’m hoping to bring that up somehow over all I am excited to continue my life as myself.

Thank you, all for your support and celebrating my life and my love  for writing. I’ll post a new article soon!keep loving yourself! Never give up on your goals.6447d92c3e44558efbba126499d2a59a

-Lakira sharice Mitchum

 

Quote of the week:

“Without ethics, man has no future. This is to say, mankind without them cannot be itself. Ethics determine choices and actions and suggest difficult priorities.”

John Berger

He was my weakness

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By,Lakira Sharice Mitchum

Just one thought…

in all the beatings and insults, all the meaningless chores.

all the abuse, and all of the hatred.

Just one image, if he was my killer I would do my best to cry, He was my sanity and I lost it ,I was the fool that loved him more than the sensations that felt like a pill, he was my drug , my reasoning , I found the most beautiful thing in my once heard salvation.its the Lakira syndrome my sickness.  suicide it was him Christ.  If I lost him I would rather die worst than he did, cursing my self and he was who i only needed, he was my identity  I was relying  in him my love for him is more money or songs that would be my life.I’m ashamed to say  I was always less;never  her while I write and although little read my thoughts .In all of my secular ways he was my only light, my only king my only peace. life hit me where it hurts and he was my only thought in every song, and no one will know why I disappeared.with no love,with no one , no mind no hope my future only sees blood and with happiness,  he is my everything my all.he was never forgotten  I denied him,  Take me instead, no man will ever know  how I loved him. I lost my mind, He will never know. How sick I’ve become  with the deep passion I would gone for you… you have no idea how much i love you, more than I love myself He was my hero, because of who he is ,not because he died , I would rather die in his place, oh, Israel don’t you  see I’m in love with your king , son of David, son of Moses and Abraham i lost my sanity in my christian heart he is my issue, I saw more than a solvent or solution, I felt worthless, and my worth could not save this planet, and when i am trash I only sinned in their eyes.

He was my only reason, He was

who was my first love, no man knew me or my name.

blood and insomnia

So we settle for less…

By,Lakira Mitchum

Dripping blood from my heart I held in my hand, I waited for a answer  from him,instead he killed me, he slaughtered me in sacred sin. it was hard to explain it was hard to see my scars, I was burned at a steak at his chapel I  was hanged to dry by his men, bishops and popes prayed amen and I stand alone, without understanding for myself.What did I do, where did all of my faith go, where did your silent screams go, the tingles, the ties, the desires and dreams, her poems  only lie in ashes in hell.Someone stole my story, my heart , my ideas ,my art,.Saints say they are perfect, saints say are better, saints say their blessed after they murder, who I was was only a mistake.He swallowed me whole and said, “come unto me” but, I lost my soul and my body is only a vessel for a zealous a sacred holy, saints to hurt, And I only see blood and ashes in his hands, the beauty became my chaos so I may lay in the sun rebuked and broken by the man in white, his ancient book is only a list of death threats and a guest list for fools that worship a mans distress on a broken tree, did they really know him or was my worship in vain. That makes me ask what does it mean to be human, what does it mean to be human, to having little depth with, I have no feelings, no tears I’m numb with painted lies across my forehead.stupid with the stressful desire to sin with a warm belly, and lustful heart tight with slight self hatred, I pray against the Lakira syndrome looking for artistic love, that soft petty mini skirt kind of like love, She looks for, Lakira you’re a disease so the say ;so the little bible speaks of the doll faced fool looking for friends in the chapel, the church was insensitive to her existence pathetic fool building her own temple and wrapping yourself in clothing as if she needs them.You don’t belong in the sainthood. You have no friends, you only have your demons and even they hate you. How does she deal with being suddenly a pagan view, she loved that man, that thing they said was only a lamb he was more than that  he was rush my passion , the one I dreamed of but now its questionable the skies seem to be bleak he never knew how she felt, he should never speak of it she would rather die. Thousands of years could not explain her strange religion, he will never know the way she would have protested, the saints don’t deserve the man’s death, I know I would shake in tears, your sins are;your faults she argues with herself, they will never know she wants peace, and shes afraid.He would never know he.

she is only less..than what he could be with.

A look at my past…

So looking at me was always less than what you could of had seen, but they think I’m less better, less than Good, less than awesome, instead of October I felt like September, instead Of the butterfly I felt like the fly. I was always less, less than better just almost good.

Hello October:Oh, the humanity part 1

What does it mean to human?

By Lakira Mitchum

fear:

I can’t help but to exaggerate my insecurities that has come upon me, college is just the leg of the giant that collapsed on my lap.My fear I believe is my impression on others, My reliability, on my  finances; Its nothing I tend to cry about during the week because right now my heart is bleeding out  something more ripe that is my ability to cope with loneliness while trying to seem perfect to the society around me as an African American.

My believe in God is not going to be my net in this sea of life, I am becoming a realist at this point in my life we can try to pray, and pray the rain away won’t do anything unless I believe in myself first.I Think I grew up a bit too fantastic over the idea of persistent prayer fasting and worship, and now at my young age church is only a Sunday morning is only a set of motivational speeches with traditions that don’t apply to my culture.What is life without challenges? what is pain without suffering? who am I to ask life what does it mean to be human…… Only a medical student that writes. I should find more value than just my achievements but, in my birth ;merely existing is amazing to me.So what about humility I think it’s ironic that the prefix  is  so similar to be human, and to bleed is humbling to me, their is something about blood that makes me feel so vulnerable to live on this planet so tiny in the massive eyes of God. Blood is red, and red is aggressive a fearful sharp hue that we see when we close our eyes,to be human is to be red, to be grown , to be breathing like fungus that grows, yes yes but to be human is much more that being born screaming its becoming a verb to me now, its means to grow.

oh ,what it means to be human

Human:

Homo sapiens:

Modern humans (Homo sapiens, primarily ssp. Homo sapiens sapiens) are the only extant members of the subtribe Hominina, a branch of the tribe Hominini belonging to the family of great apes. They are characterized by erect posture and bipedal locomotion; high manual dexterity and heavy tool use compared to other animals; and a general trend toward larger, more complex brains and societies.[3][4]

Early hominins—particularly the australopithecines, whose brains and anatomy are in many ways more similar to ancestral non-human apes—are less often referred to as “human” than hominins of the genus Homo.[5] Several of these hominins used fire, occupied much of Eurasia, and gave rise to anatomically modern Homo sapiens in Africa about 200,000 years ago.[6][7] They began to exhibit evidence of behavioral modernity around 50,000 years ago. In several waves of migration, anatomically modern humans ventured out of Africa and populated most of the world.[8]

The spread of humans and their large and increasing population has had a profound impact on large areas of the environment and millions of native species worldwide. Advantages that explain this evolutionary success include a relatively larger brain with a particularly well-developed neocortex, prefrontal cortex and temporal lobes, which enable high levels of abstract reasoning, language, problem solving, sociality, and culture through social learning. Humans use tools to a much higher degree than any other animal, are the only extant species known to build fires and cook their food, and are the only extant species to clothe themselves and create and use numerous other technologies and arts.

Humans are uniquely adept at using systems of symbolic communication (such as language and art) for self-expression and the exchange of ideas, and for organizing themselves into purposeful groups. Humans create complex social structures composed of many cooperating and competing groups, from families and kinship networks to political states. Social interactions between humans have established an extremely wide variety of values,[9] social norms, and rituals, which together form the basis of human society. Curiosity and the human desire to understand and influence the environment and to explain and manipulate phenomena (or events) has provided the foundation for developing science, philosophy, mythology, religion, anthropology, and numerous other fields of knowledge.- Wikipedia search

 

people that think feel and act upon life’s request.

 

 

Monday morning senses

I woke up feeling the early busy buzz today and, I had this idea  in my head that I have a pretty simple life. America gives me so much freedom what do I have to worry about well…. college, college possible dating with positive expectations and worries about what people may think of me, and once again announcing myself as an medical student only to reach one goal midwifery and or just nursing but either way its goes I assume this college semester will my very inspiration for writing.

Beautifulchaos 151 has been my journey of self discovery and during my time away from college I wrote more than 100 articles and now that I’m returning I found hope in knowing I’m fully capable of founding my dreams if I meditate on what I’m already good at.

As the warm Floridian sun paints my skin and I feel this sudden flow of optimism and happiness today is a day I complaining  about what I don’t have and learn to appreciate what I do have and that is a second chance, at life at love ,and security and peace of mind.

I want to that all of my readers thus far.

Happy reading!

La beauté des hommes

By,Lakira Mitchum

part 1

Presenting my reasoning for dumbing my ex boyfriend. .and dealing with self discovery

 

While gazing upon a magazine cover I find myself dazed in stupidity over something I can’t conceived for myself that is my desire for a man’s affection, the stupid idea of crazy love, I for one have taken a deeper observation into idolizing the unforgettable  mark’s and Mathew’s of the cult we women call Hollywood. First there is real life and oh “Fuck, me” love is abusive and hard to find. Looking at handsome men is like looking for the perfect bowl of spaghetti, just so can find out that you’re not beautiful enough to even speak to them, it makes you feel crazy when you realize you only value the opinions of Gaston and prince charming. Let’s talk about masculine beauty, men ,men fucking men, the great valleys of soothing screaming and head banging down the road of my memories, worshipping men will ruin me it’ll be the death of me. I settle upon the idea of the beauty of a man that is kind but, finally I have freedom I finally conjured why women learn to hate men in puberty because, even the nicest of kings, can become a fucking nightmare in the end which is why its for a girl like me to fear men and never approach them and really, confidence comes the most when we are alone.Men learn to love only a certain kind of person, they were created to be hard, and not vulnerable as the tender girl. Its seems normal for girls to hate boys but, respect them only because of how different they are from us, they have a lot to offer to us, like all the criticism you could ever need ever, or making a family. lets be honest boys are intimidating all boys are, what they say and do, does matter from my memories, of my childhood I was little ugly bitch with terrible friends and no hair. I’ll be honest I’m ugly and I know it, or I feel ugly or I’ll look at my boyfriend and think why in God’s name are you with me? I actually accept being ugly or pretty , I don’t like judging myself actually like uhhhh the actress that played “ugly Betty” to me she looked pretty normal, yet  nerdy. I’m okay with this  thought in my mind, I don’t cry about it at all I just accept that I’m an ugly woman that once liked the kind of men that would never give me the time of day, feeling ugly is not why I pursue writing more than men, its more about not caring about the way I look just sometimes I don’t like the idea of attracting a lot of people it’s a form of humility that I seek for myself, its like my own reasoning for modesty I don’t want to get hurt. I was once a great girlfriend in my mind that literally worshipped my boyfriend and wanted his parents to always like me, Do you know how  agonizing that is, attempting to become a wife, A God fucking Wife and mother! it’s hard. I almost never want to date again I almost never want to fall in love again  and when you become a wife you become a woman that obligated constantly churn the options of a man that could easily destroy you and really I hate the idea of marriage, attraction, love and sex so I bailed on him and dumbed him, I was not ready, he was 9 years older than me its take a lot of guts brainwashing and time to get woman to marry a man, and go through extreme pain to push a baby  out for them and be ready in time for a new one. I can say I am terrified of love, I am afraid of men and because of rape and I don’t need sex at all it hurts too much.

I can live without that for the rest of my life, I know I’m young but I think I want to commit to being single for the rest of my life. I have met so many wonderful single women that seem insensitive but really they have been hurt, and I think its okay to say I’m afraid of marriage, I’m afraid to let someone control me, to let that man in my life.

My emotions are like an ocean shore pushing an pulling away at my own mind numbing me and turning me into a beach worth loving once more. I learning to love myself, an sense I was five it was hard to see how smart I came to be. without a lover I’m learning that I could be special to me, because of who I am.

 

I have a sad perspective of love and understanding, and I express I wasn’t always like this and I have the feeling of so much worthlessness I have myself writing articles about men I’ll never marry, or keep or touch, or lick , and well I admit “I’m a creep”. I have to admit liking men is not easy, its when I forget about them and find that little mouse I call myself scurrying in my mind squeaky to it’s predator “don’t fuck with me homes!”  I see I’m a slave girl making my own puppet show entertaining the masses that’ll never like me if I payed them to . I really do feel like an unlucky Cinderella so let’s go back shall we,

All in all really I can say I love Tom Hiddleson simply because he is an human that loves humans. .”

“I believe the conversations we would have if I met him would consist of medical exams, humanitarian concerns and world issues. He has millions of fans and many awards but, in reality what he does for others is what matters the most to me, he brings hope to humanity, he just maybe homesick for heaven who knows.I believe the conversations we would have if I met him would consist of medical exams, humanitarian concerns and world issues. He has millions of fans and many awards but, in reality what he does for others is what matters the most to me, he brings hope to humanity, he just maybe homesick for heaven who knows.”- Lakira Mitchum

That was one of the most stupidest articles I have ever written…let’s be honest I have an unwanted crush, but really I’m a brilliant woman that should mind her own damn business. Back then I wrote in hopes that these people would read my pathetic attempt to be a dumbass fan girl crying behind someone’s red rope, Fuck No! get a grip Lakira! love your fucking self and love humanity with your own reasons no because baby faced men kiss African babies on T.V. This is my reasoning, as a lady I should never try to impress anyone with desire for a man to like me. That Article was a naïve  of me to write  and I had less of an kick in my head and that was the very reason why “David Wright” treats me like a dumbass, Bitch get over all these celebrities be strong, don’t quiver over men that shit ain’t good for my female ego. “Fuck love” at that time I don’t know if I was as serious about writing but, I remember Louis Lane turning down superman because when you are  passionate about something you find something in yourself you have never seen, your own reason to believe in God or Goddesses or, why to loose weight or wear make up every day. Shhhhhittttt it’s better to be professional than to be in love or lust, if we are not careful men can easily become our passion instead of us having a passion in what is more important our self respect. “RESPECT” yo!  I don’t want to love men I want to just respect them. I have  seen the ugliest of man take a girl’s affection and turn it into some sort of twisted buffet of shaming and torture, which is why ladies should never let a man determine who they are, how they feel and what they do.

Men can turn the prettiest of women into clowns like,that woman is not human; she’s a fucking dog in a cage. women that want to be loved and understood like porn stars, strippers, teenage girls, moms, grandma, fucking toddlers in tiaras  She is a slut. she is a bitch she is …. she fucking is, Mother Mary, Ruth and Esther, the sexy Sarah Palin and the  God made Hilary Clinton, the abused Mary J. Blige the Dancing Beyoncé and the Megan fox and Paris Hilton one thing they have in common they are dumb bitches to society and praise to the mighty ego of the modern man. Really they are all beautiful women that deserve to love themselves first, stop crying over him, and they, and be strong! Love yourself, Love your vagina, love your own vagina, shit masturbate and, talk about it you don’t have to be a lesbian, respect your gender and be okay with waiting, for love to find you be okay with your body.

In every perspective of our culture women are degraded no matter who they are, we are all Ann franks…forcing ourselves to be in the spotlight, in a society that only shames us. I hate entertaining men, I hate sucking up to the idea that they can us so easily hurt and shit I’ll admit I don’t want to love men anymore. I an a feminist and I am proud of it, That doesn’t make me a lesbian its makes me a rebel in a stereotyped world I hate. I hate sexism as much as I hate living only for man’s affection when I see female engineers, female football players , soccer players, boxers, even strippers can be seen as athletes. I was not born to entertain men ,I was created to mate with men, until that time comes I’m single and… now that I’ve written this I’m happy to say, I am a woman that will only respect men, and never love someone that does not deserve it.

 

 

 

 

The art of Selflessness

By, Lakira Mitchum

The non shameful duty of helping the innocent with a incomparable lust for love and the desire to satisfy  the hopeless  and to see the heavens meet the earth and when I feel as if the throne of God does not welcome me. The feeling of human Compassion compels me, melts me and my heart, it seems as though requesting love its only the edge of a sharp knife, it seems unreachable in the circumstances of life at times. Selflessness can leave us in a blaze of pain and selfishness can leave us alone. So the desire to give can sometimes creep up on us when we least desire the godly feeling of holiness, what I would really want is the constant reminder of humanities’ desire heaven just like me, empathy, I don’t believe I could ever be holy or perfect But, I do believe I’m really Gifted at being human.